What Bali Taught Me

                         

I came to Bali a month ago ready to embark on a spiritual journey and figure out my next steps in life. I thought a month in a spiritual place would bring peace, enlightenment and immense joy. Bali offered everything I asked for, but there were lessons I was not prepared to encounter on this journey and I am leaving Bali with some bumps and bruises but a smile on my face. 

I didn't know that spiritual journeys included tears and heartache. As I look back, I can see that the pain and discomfort was part of the growth and change. I had to let things go that I didn't know I was holding onto and deal with new hardships that arrived almost as soon as I began this journey. I think the timing was perfect as I was in a place where I could focus on growth and healing. 

There were four very distinct lessons I learned here...

1) Stillness: Staying in a small town among rice fields provided ample time to be still. I found meditation and prayer came much easier without the distractions I can provide myself at home. In stillness, I was able to listen to intuition and seek direction and discernment. I found comfort in the silence and solitude. My mind was able to shut down and peace began to bud.

2) Grace: This journey showed me that lovely things can blossom out of pain and hurt. The water lily is a symbol for grace and it grows out of the mud into a beautiful bloom. Without grace, I would drown in the messes and mistakes I have made. Grace is proof that the universe has greater plans for me and provides lessons and strength just when I need them. That thought alone blows my mind and fills me with gratitude.

3) Offering: I watched women place offerings in reverence every day on alters all over town. They spend time creating beautiful, colorful gifts daily. This encouraged me to offer something each day to show my gratitude and intention. I am beginning each day with an intention and offering gratitude and seeing a difference in my outlook. This practice is my offering.

4) Bravery: This is a theme that keeps coming up for me this year. In Bali, I faced my greatest fear time and again and now I barely flinch when I see rodents. I had to bargain and negotiate with a language barrier often and even demand our passage on a boat, which we had to ride on top of at full speed. I forged paths, dealt with scary truths and let go. Bravery frees my mind from fears I held onto and creates a new spaciousness for courage.

I am grateful to have had this experience, even with all the discomforts. I was told that in order to grow, one must experience pain followed by joy. I appreciate the patience and friendship Penny provided as I went through some difficult transitions. Our friendship is stronger and now we have even more epic memories to share.

My hope is to return home next week equipped with the lessons I learned here and practice them daily. Intentions are powerful and it is amazing what they can manifest. My journey in Bali is proof that by setting an intention, results follow, even if they don't take the planned path. Let go, be fluid, ask for guidance and the answers will appear.

Raindrops and Moonlight

                                      

A shift happened for me this weekend. I made my way through discomfort to find a new level of comfort. After almost two weeks finding myself in a constant inward and outward struggle, I decided to surrender and let whatever was going to happen (bugs, rain, rashes...), happen. And it has brought me so much peace. The decision to just be present has really affected my happiness quotient and has turned otherwise dreaded happenings into opportunities for joy. 

Last night, the full moon was out and it was raining but we didn't let it stop us from going outside and practicing yoga--moon salutations. The power went out and we found the only candle in the cottage and lit it with the propane burner. Yoga was practiced by clouded moon and candle light. It was so much fun. In fact, after our practice, we jumped in the pool and the moon peeked through the clouds to give us ample light for back floats.

Earlier, the rain was pouring down in sheets, I thought it was hail. I saw Penny just sitting by the pool under the downpour. She looked so happy and content. I wondered what would happen if I tried sitting in the rain. She got up and I went out to try it. It felt amazing. It felt invigorating. It made me want to swim in it. I could not believe myself. I have been a lifelong fan of sunshine and opposer of gray skies and especially rain. But, yesterday, I think I may have fallen in love, just a little with rain. I jumped in the pool and the rain just kept pouring and all I could do was laugh.

It may seem simple to just decide to be present, but for someone who is often in her head figuring out a dozen things at once, it is very very difficult. However, I like where it is taking me. Those dozen things will always be there for me to figure out, but the present will not. I think it is interesting how water has been the constant symbol for me in regards to letting go. Water is fluid and adaptable...things I am still learning. I know growth and letting go will forever be a part of life, but I think I am finding a way to peacefully and joyfully embrace them.

The Discomforts of Paradise

                                  
Everything I was expecting Bali to be has not happened. I have had a hard, uncomfortable first ten days here. My intention on this journey was to write, be still and meditate on my next steps in life. All three things are happening, but there have been environmental and emotional factors that I did not expect.

One of my first nights here, I was bit in the middle of the night, hopped out of bed and sprayed DEET all over my body in hopes of warding of nighttime critters. I woke up the next morning covered in big, red and ugly bumps. They burned and itched. I went to a clinic and picked up some benedryl after looking up pictures of skin rashes online. Apparently, I am allergic to poisonous DEET. So, now I just deal with bites and luckily the rash is almost gone.

Then there is the rain. The endless rain. I am someone that needs sun. I learned about this years ago while living in Seattle. It was my first encounter with Seasonal Affectedness Disorder, aka: SAD. There are periods of sunshine and I rush outside and sit in any sliver the sun provides. Yesterday, the sun was abundant and I was able to lay in its glory for an entire day. However, the rain has definitely affected my mood, but provides ample indoor time for writing and soul searching.

I think the most uncomfortable occurrence was while getting a pedicure, a large rat hopped out of a pile of clean towels and scurried up the wall into a hole in the ceiling. Rodents are my biggest fear. I even had a hard time with squirrels until recently. So, this really sent me to another plane of fear. I figured I would see rats in Bali, just not that close up or in a spa. I wanted to cry, pee my pants and scream all at once. I was assured by the staff that it was only a small mouse, but I know what I saw and couldn't get out of there quick enough.

With all that said, there is a certain sacredness to Bali that I appreciate. The day I saw the rat was a turning point for me. It was gray outside, the rat thing happened, I was tired and moody and then we walked by the temple. Women were dressed up in beautiful attire with large baskets filled with offerings on top of their heads. The ceremonial feel of the procession filled me with awe as I watched them perfectly kneel down to offer their goods. I thought about my own offering and what I had been giving lately. My conclusion was complaints, tears, questions and frustration. However, I realized in that moment that offering is a ritual and the answers may not appear immediately but the practice is what was important.

Images of these women have stuck with me and I am determined to change my offering to positivity, love, compassion and trust. Trust is the hardest for me. I am fiercely independent and trust requires surrender. Letting go has been my theme for a couple years now; I expect a couple more. But, when I look back on my life, I have always been okay, despite my worry and anxiety, the universe has provided everything I needed. These provisions come through prayer, meditation and trust. I am a product of grace. When I look back at the gifts and opportunities in my life and see the complaints and negativity that have at times clouded my offerings, I know that grace has provided the lessons along with the gifts.

Today I realize that my lesson is getting through a transition with grace, peace and love. My gifts are experiencing this discomfort in a beautiful place and the realization that growth is eternal. I look forward to mindfully entering each day differently and offering myself in a more loving manner. I recently read someone feeling like hugging the universe. Today I offer my hug and trust. I can't do this alone.

On Connection

                            

One of my favorite things about travel is the gift of connection. I find myself so wrapped up at home that I tend to forget the beauty of human connection. On an airplane, we have the choice to ignore the person next to us or engage in a conversation. I admit, I don't always want to have a conversation on an airplane, but the ones I do end up having are great. It is fascinating to learn about other people's lives and hear their perspectives on things. If I'm lucky, maybe even hear some words of wisdom.

While I am here in Bali, I am with my dear friend whom I stay connected with through the beauty of the iPhone and FaceTime. But, seeing her face to face trumps whatever technology has to offer. There is a certain energy I feel when I am around her; a calm appreciation and acceptance. We also have to rely on each other to forge our way in a somewhat familiar place but still carries with it a foreign language and customs that we easily forgot. This interdependance draws us closer and strenghthens our friendship. I wonder if this would happen if we were next door neighbors again, like we were years ago...but I somehow think it would not.

Travel shakes you and makes your senses open up because of the unfamiliar. This makes me think that is why connection with strangers is easier away from home. Fellow travellers have stories to share, they are looking for a slice of familiar while away from home, and most likely don't have internet access, therefore, face to face connections happen more fluidly. Everytime we are out, we end up having long conversations with complete strangers, most ending in hugs. It's as if we have a silent code of honor "We're in this together. Let's connect"; especially if travelling alone. When I was in Costa Rica, I found myself with many new connections that I am so grateful for. 

I think my challenge will be to try to find this certain intimacy when I return home. Because even if I am not faraway from home, we are all still in this together. Spending quality time together just feels better than a quick text. Perhaps schedules will not allow the languid conversations that travel provides, but my goal will be to foster connection in each place I am by striving to be present and open.

Bali Sensory

                        

Bali is the perfect place to awaken the senses. The colors are so intense and bright and everywhere. Kites, flags, temple garb and nature burst with colorful blends. Walls are alive with geckos, various bugs and plants reaching for the sun. The scents range from the sweet tropical aromas of plumeria and pineapple to the near putrid smell of petrol coming from exhaust pipes of the numerous motorbikes whizzing by. Each evening, the sound of Gamelan, Balinese temple music, can be heard from afar. Every morning, I awaken to the smell of the rice fields burning. It is like Bali's morning incence; a ritual. 

In fact, incence and ritual are everywhere. Women bring offerings known as Canung Sari everyday consisiting of flowers, rice and incense. The offerings are prepared daily as a form of self-sacrifice to offer praise and thanks. Everything is sacred and the offerings can be seen on the street, dashboards of cars and alters in the rice fields. We received one during our yoga practice yesterday morning. I was rising from a forward bend as the offering was being placed on the alter next to the front door. I felt gratitude and reverence in the display of the sacred during my yoga practice. 

The intensity of Bali's sensory makes it impossible to go through each day without a certain awareness. Perhaps this is why there is so much gratitude and prayer offered daily. It is easy to find oneself wrapped up in the traditions and feel part of the commuinty that has graciously opened their doors to each visitor. Most of all, this display of sacred and sensory has encouraged me to find and appreciate the beauty surrounding me each day.