Best Laid Plans

I had plans to take the month of November off. I was going to head to Costa Rica for a month to explore, relax, write and try my best to speak Spanish. My plan excited me and has been something I have wanted to do for quite some time. Last year, I planned on going to Costa Rica but then my dear friend invited me to Bali. The trip was amazing and it felt great to be unplugged in warm tropical air. Every day was filled with writing, yoga, long walks and intense cultural experiences. Although it wasn't my original plan, I think it was exactly what I needed at that time.

This year, instead of laying on a hammock I am working and travelling for work quite a bit. I have 5 flights scheduled, a budget presentation and goals to be met. I am not looking forward to any of this and find myself wondering why my best laid plans didn't come to fruition. Costa Rica seems to always be just right out of my reach and I wonder why. I can't help but think about running late to work or a party and then find out if I was on time, I would have been involved in an accident on the road. There are all kinds of stories of near misses and possibly my plans fell apart yet again to keep me out of harm's way.

Then I think about being present and that there is a reason that I am here now...not because of a near miss. Being present is definitely a skill and with all the scheduling, goals, travel plans and relationships in life, there is a tendency towards distraction.

Sheryl Sandberg of Facebook fame said something that really caught my attention in her TEDtalk; she states: "Don't leave before you leave". Such a simple statement with a huge requirement. This can be applied to all facets of life. When I am with someone, I don't want my mind wandering to my to-do list or pending schedules. I want connection and to be present. Perhaps this is a tall order, but I think it is something worth striving for.

I'll admit, I haven't followed the above advice much this year. My mind has been all over the world and I am realizing that I need to practice being present...maybe that is why I am not in Costa Rica this month. I am sure I will know the reason in due time, but until then, I am going to try harder at being present and enjoying what is in front of me.

Travel Highs and Lows

I am sitting in  the San Jose airport waiting for a flight that had to be rebooked due to a shooting at LAX. My first thought was selfish and I wondered when I would get home. Since I am only an hour flight away, I figured I could find another flight and quickly calmed down. One of my favorite things about airports is people watching. I find it fascinating the way each of us differently handle travel woes. After the news was announced, people had 2 very distinct reactions...some started figuring out their new travel plans and others started flipping out.

It is understandable that delays and cancellations are inconvenient and in a way terrible, but we weren't shot! We are all just trying to get to San Diego in a timely manner so we can go home or have a great weekend in an awesome city. I feel sorry for the ticket agents that are getting yelled at--as if they caused the shooting in a separate airport. One of the things I have learned from all my travels is smiling and kindness gets you farther than yelling.

With the lows of travel, we have great rewards. The above photo was taken as I was landing in Athens. I had to wait 6 hours in Rome, sleeping on a chair with my legs wrapped around my luggage. I was cold and hungry and just wanted to get to Greece to see my sister, but there were certain things that were out of my control. In my exhaustion, I arrived at the ticket counter to check in and the agent upgraded me and gave me a pass to the airline's lounge (probably because I looked disheveled). She told me she appreciated my kindness and patience. Proof that kindness pays off.

I wouldn't trade anything when it comes to travel. I have had lost baggage, cancelled flights, extra nights in cities I don't particularly care for and really bad food. On the flip side, I have seen beautiful places, different oceans, observed constellations in both hemispheres and so many more highs that keep me checking into flights and smiling from ear to ear.

For the Love of Pinot Noir

Delicate, fruity, earthy, raspberries, cassis, vanilla, cola, sassafras, dark cherries, strawberries, cedar, mushroom, leather, cigar, silky, velvety...

I could go on and on describing one of my favorite varietals. I love Pinot Noir. I have been fortunate enough to taste it in many different places, but I have never been to the Willamette Valley in Oregon until last week. This trip solidified my love for this wine and placed Oregon as one of my favorite Pinot regions.

We visited White Rose Estate Winery and with each taste, I declared "this is the best Pinot so far". Then, the winemaker let us taste his 2012 out of the tank and I couldn't believe how delicious the young wine already was.

I try my best not to geek out when it comes to wine. I try to just enjoy it and let the conversation flow, but the Willamette Valley awakened the Wine Geek in me. I can't wait to return this beautiful, green countryside covered in vines and evergreens with the Cascade mountains keeping watch.

Unlikely Return

I left Seattle almost 5 years ago and never thought I would return. I quit my job, fell in love and moved all the way up the Western seaboard to begin a new life. We didn't work, we lived off our savings, explored the Pacific Northwest and attempted a relationship. It sounded like a really good idea, romantic really, but I was not prepared for it all. Seattle's sun hid after a month and the relationship's foundation wasn't very solid. The snow fell, hearts were broken, I sold everything that didn't fit into my car and left the Emerald City in tears. There was no way I ever wanted to return.

This past week, duty called and I found myself driving into the city with a colleague to work for a couple days. The sun was shining brightly, it was warm and unexpectedly I was okay. I was actually worried about returning, but as the day progressed, I became happy to be in Seattle. All of my good memories returned and I felt complete gratitude that I was able to live there and explore for a while. I reflected on how blessed I was to have a city as my playground and realized that I had created a very good sense of place there.

I guess that is what letting go/evolving feels like--joy and gratitude even when faced with bad memories. Now when I speak of Seattle, I need to replace my doomsday "snow and gloom" stories with the memory of love and exploration. I no longer need to refer to that move as my worst mistake, but as an amazing opportunity to be daring and carefree.

A Good Year

I had a really good 32nd year. I was looking back at this past year and counted my blessings which outweighed the sorrows.

Last year, I was in Bali with a broken heart trying to figure out new plan and a direction. I wrote down 5 intentions at a coffee shop in a small Balinese town and have referred to them many times over the past year.

1) Positivity every day
2) Letting go of the past
3) Hope
4) Wisdom to decipher what's next
5) Open heart and mind

These intentions have been the foundation for the past year. These 5 things are hard to achieve from where I was last year. But, with practice, prayer and encouragement from loved ones, I get closer every day. I don't think that the blessings would have been recognized without this list. I worked hard on them and although there have been struggles and tears, joy and peace continue to take their place.

My dear friend, Katy confidently proclaimed "2013 is your year, friend!" I think she is right. But then again, any year is what I decide to make of it. And this year, focusing on the blessings is my intention. I learned this a long time ago when my grandma had me sing "Count your blessings" to her in Spanish. I may have not known what I was actually singing, but I think the message is finally sinking in.

Floating

I learned how to swim late,when I was 12 years old. I remember the anxiety of not having full control of my body and definitely despised going underwater. Even when it was time to go to school, I would hang on to the bed post and cry full of angst over what might happen that day. I was the worrier in my family, always aware of possible doom. (I had my bags packed just in case the Oakland hills fire reached us all the way in San Leandro).

I am coming to terms with accepting the fact that my inability to let go has caused great anxiety in my life. This problem has also given me the tendency to showcase the control freak that tends to live inside. I don't like that and I am resolving to fix this about myself.

Letting go is a great feat I realize. It is not easy for a worrier. But, through meditation, prayer and post it note reminders all over the place, I am finding it easier and easier to release. And let me tell you, it is so much more wonderful than I thought it could be.

I think the best possible image I can give myself is floating in Greece. We found a secluded beach in Paros and I really wanted to get in the water. The water was crystal clear and turquoise. I had the initial "it's too cold, I should get out" thoughts and then I laid down and let go. Without any effort, I was floating in the Aegean Sea under the Mediterranean sun and my heart and soul flooded with gratitude and happiness. I had physically let go and the water took care of everything else.

I think of this image often these days. Being able to physically have a reference to this life lesson helps me release the tensions that come with not letting go. Floating is exactly the way my heart and soul feel--like a balloon--when I release the unknown and trust that everything will be alright.