A Knapsack on my Back

The Grand Canyon--red, rugged, magnificent and deep. My first visit was just a year ago. It was snowing, cold and unforgettable. The deep red and burnt sienna were bordered by bright white, untouched snow. The contrast was striking as was the freezing air that made me want to run back into my heated car.

Determined to stay a while longer, I pulled the beanie down a bit further over my ears, tightened the scarf around my neck and buried my gloved hands into my pockets. I stood there shivering yet could feel warmth in my soul. I love that about nature; it feeds my soul. Every time I am in a beautiful place, my soul instantly feels connected to the nature that surrounds me and I can't help but offer up my gratitude.

My return to this beautiful place is less than a month away and I am giddy with anticipation. This time, I will hike to the bottom and stay there for a couple nights. I have always wanted to backpack and this opportunity arose thanks to a couple adventurous friends. It will be lovely to see the Canyon from a different perspective and spend some quality time in its grandeur. The physical challenge will be exhilarating as well. I believe this hike will awaken my strength, courage and gratitude a bit more.

Tamarindo Ballad

When I arrived in Costa Rica, I had no idea what to expect. I was hoping to lay in a hammock and drink something tropical and that was about it. I decided to go without plans and keep myself open to whatever came my way. I am so happy that I did. If I had planned my trip out, I would have missed so many lovely moments, people and reflection.

Tamarindo is the place where my heart opened fully, my soul was nourished and my mind calmed down finally. My days were filled soaking up the hot sun on wet sand, writing, drinking lovely coffee and cold coconuts, swimming in the warm ocean and yoga that pushed me beyond my limits.

I recognized my courage finally as people questioned my decision to travel alone and told me I was brave. I never would have described myself as courageous or brave as I still feel hints of anxiety every now and again. However, a very in depth Intuitive Painting course helped me reveal this trait and even own it. I could not have planned that encounter. I had never even heard of such a thing, but I love painting and decided to give it a try. If you are ever in Tamarindo, check out True Colors; I am so grateful that I did.

So many lovely people were milling about and since the town is small, it was easy to see them on a regular basis. Most people were from Canada and the North Eastern US as it is freezing for them right now. I found them to be warm, open and genuine. I loved having coffee and beers with them and sharing travel stories and life experiences. That's one of the best things about travel for me...the stories people tell. We all become storytellers when we experience something foreign. It changes us and we feel compelled to share.

My favorite book has been A Moveable Feast since I took an American Studies course in college as it opened my eyes to the lost generation of Americans living abroad in France during the 20s. I wanted to be one of them and write. There were many ex patriots from the states in Costa Rica each with their encouraging stories on how to live down there. The seed has definitely been planted and we shall see what grows.

Most of all, I want to keep the joy emanating from within. I want to take the habits and practices I learned during my travels and implement them daily. During my Intuitive Painting class I learned that in order to make a big change, I have to start with something small. For instance, practicing gratitude daily or beginning the day with a positive intention. Practice make perfect.

Costa Rica was a dream come true and I can't believe my time there has come and gone after 10 years of dreaming. The timing of this trip was perfect. As I look back on the past 10 years of my life, I know I was not ready to be as open as I was during my time away. I had too many hangups and unresolved issues in my way. I felt like an empty palate in Tamarindo; ready to be filled with a new picture of vibrant colors. I think that is exactly what I needed. I am donning a new outlook and am so excited to see what dreams may come next.

Muchas Gracias, Costa Rica!

Learning to Soar

I just returned from my dream trip to Costa Rica and my heart is a contradiction of joy and sadness. Tears were definitely shed as I drove away from my lovely haven in Tamarindo. The past two weeks were full of magnificent nature, amazing encounters and lots of realizations. My intention for this trip was to keep my heart, soul and mind open to whatever was going to happen. I knew the dream was persistent for 10 years and could only imagine why. What happened was beyond my imagination--it was amazing.

The butterfly is my symbol for this trip. I remember having butterflies in my stomach as I purchased/planned the trip; I could not believe it was finally happening. I felt as if I was preparing for a first date with someone who I was immensely interested in. However, in this case, it was a foreign country. Not knowing what to expect is part of the excitement of adventure!

On my first day, I went down to the beach and yellow butterflies were flying over me. The scene was magical. The sun was intensely hot, the ocean was deep blue and yellow butterflies came to welcome me to the beach. Every day that I laid on the beach, I saw a yellow butterfly. One day, while I was swimming, a butterfly was out with me in the waves...incredible!

Butterflies are symbols of transformation, renewal and playfulness. The most important symbolic meaning is finding joy in life and the lightness of being. I found the bearable lightness of being in Costa Rica. I glided through each day calmly, joyfully and fully open. I even found that my playful side was alive and well.  My intention is to continue this lightness...at least make it a practice. Practice makes perfect and this lightness of being makes me soar to new heights.

Hammock and Palm Tree Dreams

I have dreamt of going to Costa Rica for several years. In my dream, I am laying in a hammock between 2 palm trees watching the ocean. I don't know why my dream has consistently been of Costa Rica. I don't have friends or family from there--in fact, my paternal grandparents are from another Central American country...so why not there?

I have had very strong pulls towards things that I can't seem to find the connection to. As a child, I was fascinated with World War 2 history; mainly Holocaust studies. This fascination lasted all through college when I was actually debating getting a Ph.D. in Holocaust Studies. Several people asked me if I was Jewish or had family affected by the Holocaust, I don't. I was never able to pinpoint the connection, but the passion was sparked and I pursued it. I spent 5 wonderful years studying History and learning the power of compassion and empathy through these studies. Horrible things have happened, but there seems to always be a story of someone or a group of people willing to help and ease suffering.

I think finding what creates that spark inside of you and pursuing it is so important. Therefore, I knew I had to plan a trip to Costa Rica to see what this spark is all about. When I actually began booking my trip, I got butterflies in my stomach. I love those moments when nerves and excitement create a gushing emotion that leads to gratification and gratitude. I anticipate many more of these moments as my trip approaches.

Dreams coming true is like a hug from the universe saying "You're on the right path." This is when gratitude is critical. I am a very spiritual person and I believe in a higher power that has provided the dreams and blessings in my life. There have been many times when I have felt like I was going in the wrong direction and didn't know what I wanted or needed. But, then my soul is nudged and a new spark is created and I pursue it. If I don't pay attention, it keeps showing up and urging me to the experience. I can't wait to see what Costa Rica has to show me and what lessons I will learn while I am away.

The Patchwork of 2013

I began this year in my sweet, isolated beach town on the Central Coast. That experience was coming to an end and I was reaping the rewards of patience and searching for peace through some pretty lonely years. This year was full of necessary endings, new beginnings and transitions. My friend told me that 2013 was going to be my year, she apologized this week but I don't think that is necessary. I'm resilient and know myself better because of this year.

Grace and calm were my intentions for 2013. The hardest realization this year was letting go of my inner control freak. Grace and calm do not reside well with controlling tendencies. I fought hard against this for months and admitted my shortcoming right before my birthday. There was the sweet consolation of grace and calm waiting for me once I confronted my inner dictator. I learned in order to receive grace, I had to ask for it and the hardest part...receive it. Being fiercely independent makes it hard for me to ask for help and even harder, to receive it. Ever since I have opened myself up, blessings have flowed in. I am so grateful for this year.

Here is the patchwork that made up 2013:
-Moving back to San Diego (gorgeous sunsets, dear friends nearby and the Pacific still keeping me company)
-Saying goodbye to my vivacious, loving and hilarious grandma
-Soaking up Mediterranean sun in the Amalfi Coast
-Island hopping in Greece
-Floating effortlessly in the Aegean
-Running hundreds of miles (time to retire those shoes)
-Finding out one of my dearest friends is expecting after years of trying
-Meeting wonderful people who are new friends (Friendsgiving, dancing and laughter)
-Being honest with myself
-Returning to Seattle after 5 years and loving it
-Satisfying my inner oenophile in the Willamette Valley (holy love of Pinot!)

Cheers to another lovely year. I can't wait to see what 2014 has in store.

"I do not at all understand the mystery of grace--only that it meets us where we are but does not leave us where it found us." -Anne Lamott

My Paris Journal

"As we were climbing, the lights started to twinkle, it was like we were in a glass of champagne"

I wrote this my first night in Paris back in 2006. I remember the butterflies in my stomach when I first saw the Eiffel Tower from afar. This was my first trip overseas and it was a whirlwind all over Western Europe, trying to see and do as much as possible in 16 days. Paris was the final stop and I wanted to savor the city. I had dreamt of Paris (Europe really) my entire life, and I had finally made it.

We only spent 2 days in Paris. It is amazing how much you can cram into 2 days, yet leave so much unseen. I must return. I got lost in the Louvre and passed "Winged Victory" at least 3 times before I realized I was walking in a very large, but art filled, circle. Notre Dame was enjoyed from the outside and when I return, I would like to go inside and be painted with the stained glass reflections. French onion soup, escargot, cheese, bread, chocolate and Bordeaux were consumed. A walk along the Seine and a ride in the metro were preferred modes of transport. A cabaret and dancing at a night club near the Moulin Rouge completed the visit. We sipped champagne and toasted to our friendship and adventure. We had no idea that this was the catapult of more international adventures.

When I look back on Paris, I remember my excitement and naiveté. It was my first big adventure out into the world and my wanderlust exploded upon my return. There isn't a day that has passed that I haven't thought about somewhere far away. It is so appropriate that the Eiffel Tower symbolized a glass of champagne to me. It was like the world was toasting my desire to explore it.