Smiling While Catching the Wind

There is a place in the middle of the sunburned desert of New Mexico where white gypsum dunes stretch out for miles. I have wanted to visit White Sands ever since I started working in New Mexico and finally had the time to visit this week. I didn't expect to find myself full of awe since I have lived near the ocean for most of my life. Sand in my shoes is a common occurrence. But, this place fed my gypsy soul as I found myself at the top of a dune filled with wonder.

My original plan was to visit after working one day, but a huge dust storm closed roads and left me planted near the hotel. The next day, the winds were not expected to pick up until mid morning, so I made my way there before work. It wasn't a very long drive, but the scenery was stark, with high, jagged sandstone mountains and a vast ruddy desert. When I arrived the contrast of the white sands against the burnt sienna desert was striking.

The dunes are bright bleached white and seem limitless. There are high dunes and lower ones that look like rolling hills. People were sledding down the steeper dunes. If it wasn't so warm, it could have been mistaken for snow. Yuccas and other desert foliage hang on to life against the strong, dry winds. The strong winds added an element of exhilaration as I ran up and down the dunes; I wished I had a sled. As I was driving through, the most appropriate songs played on my iTunes. Songs I have long forgotten, but seemed to have waited for this visit to replay. Each song mentioned the wind or the sun and I smiled at the serendipity.

This memory will remind me of how beauty remains after a storm. During the dust storm, visibility was low, everything was covered in sand and dirty. Roads were closed and it felt like the waiting would never end. The morning brought clarity and proved that the storm was temporary and the desert still hung onto its mysterious beauty. I read that the dunes have moved, naturally, from the high winds and storms. Storms in our lives move us and most times, we aren't in the same place after we have braved them. I'd like to think this is a sign of progressively moving forward towards the next great thing or the spot we belong in. My hope is that during the next storm I face, I can remember this day and know that there is something beautiful waiting to be discovered.

The rest of my day continued more upbeat because of my short adventure. Minor setbacks like a client being late and a plane change due to maintenance couldn't keep me from smiling. I was so happy that I was able to see something so beautiful after a day covered in dust. As I was sitting on the plane, the flight attendant placed a folded up napkin on the chair next to me. He asked me to read it and walked away. What he wrote in the napkin shocked and encouraged me at the same time. It was a lovely end to my day and reminded me that genuine people and random acts of kindness still exist.

My White Sands Playlist (I encourage you to click on each link and watch the videos, they're epically hippie)
Dust in the Wind-Kansas
Catch the Wind-Donovan
Poems, Prayers and Promises-John Denver
Blowing in the Wind-Peter, Paul and Mary

On Vulnerability

I watched Brene Brown's TED talk on vulnerability last year and it changed the way I approach my life. She eloquently speaks of what it means to be vulnerable and how it can change the way we interact with each other. Vulnerability can be one of the scariest things and also one of the most rewarding.

Ever since I decided to chip away at the walls I built around my heart and soul, I have experienced life in a more vibrant and satisfying manner. This doesn't mean that there aren't remnants of the walls or past hurts left, but I can be more open and forgiving with myself and others because of this. I have experienced new relationships form, old relationships healed and some removed from my life just from being open and honest.

I used to be such a hard, sarcastic and blunt person. When I look back just 5 years, I hardly recognize the person I became. I was working and playing hard, spending my time and money like they were invincible and not really showcasing love as it should be. During that time, I desperately wanted love and acceptance, but my walls just towered over my ability to soften.

This all began to change when I quit my high stress job and began letting go of so many things--physical and emotional. Selling everything, a broken heart, a couple years alone in a coastal town and unconditional love from family and friends can really chip away at a hard shell. The more I opened up, the more opportunities and love entered my life. I don't think it is a coincidence that I have been able to travel more, cultivate relationships and work on awareness during this time. By letting my guard down, blessings have flowed in and I am truly grateful. One of the hardest lessons of my life has proven to be the most rewarding.

"to let yourself soften into loving someone, to caring about something passionately--that's vulnerable" -Brene Brown



And just because this is lovely and relevant...

Holiday Memories with Grandma

This is my first holiday season without Grandma. I found this photo tonight and it made me really miss her. It has been months since she passed away but my heart is still healing from the loss. She was such a vibrant, sarcastic, funny and loving influence in my life. I adored holidays with her. She always made us feel special with stockings and dinners with pasta on the side--always. I remember the garland on her Christmas tree was comprised of plastic candies; it sparkled in the large colored bulbs she used to light the tree. Santa and Snoopy were favorite Christmas decorations and carols sung by Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin and friends crooned from her white tape deck. She filled her green candy dish with Swedish Fish and we snuck several pieces throughout the night. My favorite holiday memory of Grandma would be the light in her eyes as we opened the gifts she wrapped and stuffed into stockings for each grandchild. We would chime "Thank you Grandma" and she would graciously smile and nod. I always felt loved and so special around her. I am so blessed to have had a grandma like her and am grateful for all the years we had together.

Last Night a DJ Saved My Life

Firenze fun

When I was 9 years old, my aunt and uncle took me to see the San Francisco Ballet perform the Nutcracker. I wore a black velvet dress, tights, shiny shoes and a peach headband. I remember sitting down and listening to the orchestra start one of the most memorable overtures my young brain knew. The excitement of being dressed up in the city and hearing Tchaikovsky was trumped when the dancers took the stage. They were so graceful and strong. I was experiencing kinesthetic empathy and wanted to learn how to dance.

I never took dance lessons, but dancing has always brought me joy. I grew up in a super religious church where music and dancing were almost forbidden—that made me want to explore it even more. I remember being jealous of prom and homecoming dances that my friends attended but decided that dancing in my room with my Walkman would have to do...until college.

In college, I spent my weekends dancing. I danced to any music that played, I found DJs to be my liberators as my requests were played and dancing ensued. You know that song Last Night a DJ Saved My Life --it could be the theme song to my college years.

A lot of my memories include dancing and they are some of my happiest ones. I learned that dancing was in my genes at a KC and the Sunshine Band concert with my dad and sister! Then, at my sister’s wedding, we turned the driveway into a dance floor and all of our dearest friends and loved ones came together with music and movement. In Florence, I went to my first official disco and danced the night away with people from all over the world to music in several different languages. 

Last night, a dear friend returned to San Diego and what was meant to be dinner and catching up, turned into a night of dancing and laughter. I love how that happens...I wasn't dressed for it, but that didn't stop me from moving to the music.

"To watch us dance is to hear our hearts speak" -Hopi Saying

Austin City Limits and Outskirts

Austin, TX is live music heaven and I was lucky enough to have to go there for work. Now some of you may think Texas=cowboys...it does plus so much more. For instance, upon arrival, there was a folk singer playing his music for all to hear. I immediately became excited and could not wait to explore the city! 

I soon realized that our convention was 35 miles south of Austin and was saddened to have to stay so far away from the vibe of the city. I looked into where to go in San Marcos, TX (where we were staying) that would entertain as well as leave an impression that the airport had already done. I found little to nothing to do there and secretly moped as we set up our booth for the trade show.

Luckily, I ran into someone I knew from previous trade shows and their company was heading into Austin that night and invited us to join! I immediately accepted. I couldn't wait to see some live music...

The first place we went to was the 'Chuggin Monkey'  the band was playing 80's rock and having a blast performing. There is nothing like watching a bald sax player turn beet red while busting out a mad tune...AWESOME!!!!!!!!!! There was also some amazing people watching, namely the Billy Idol look-a-like with a red bat tattooed on his chest for all to see.

Since we were in Texas, I asked if we could find a cowboy singing. Easier said than done. In this town, you can walk into any place and there is a stage with a band, but all genres are welcome. We finally found the singing cowboy. He was dressed up and everything. Yee Haw! No one was dancing, so I took it upon myself to start 'country dancing'. After his song, the cowboy asked me to go to the bar and ask them for an empty bottle for his drummer. I retrieved the bottle and the next song was played with the drum stick on the bottle...that's pretty country folks!

Then we found a sweet spot that was playing 90's grunge. We ended our evening singing along to Pearl Jam, Nirvana, Green Day (when they were good), etc...!

I wish we had more time in Austin, but duty called and we needed to get back for work. I hope to go back some day on my own time to really soak up all the city has to offer.