Tuesday, August 27, 2013

A Good Year

I had a really good 32nd year. I was looking back at this past year and counted my blessings which outweighed the sorrows.

Last year, I was in Bali with a broken heart trying to figure out new plan and a direction. I wrote down 5 intentions at a coffee shop in a small Balinese town and have referred to them many times over the past year.

1) Positivity every day
2) Letting go of the past
3) Hope
4) Wisdom to decipher what's next
5) Open heart and mind

These intentions have been the foundation for the past year. These 5 things are hard to achieve from where I was last year. But, with practice, prayer and encouragement from loved ones, I get closer every day. I don't think that the blessings would have been recognized without this list. I worked hard on them and although there have been struggles and tears, joy and peace continue to take their place.

My dear friend, Katy confidently proclaimed "2013 is your year, friend!" I think she is right. But then again, any year is what I decide to make of it. And this year, focusing on the blessings is my intention. I learned this a long time ago when my grandma had me sing "Count your blessings" to her in Spanish. I may have not known what I was actually singing, but I think the message is finally sinking in.

Friday, August 9, 2013


I learned how to swim late,when I was 12 years old. I remember the anxiety of not having full control of my body and definitely despised going underwater. Even when it was time to go to school, I would hang on to the bed post and cry full of angst over what might happen that day. I was the worrier in my family, always aware of possible doom. (I had my bags packed just in case the Oakland hills fire reached us all the way in San Leandro).

I am coming to terms with accepting the fact that my inability to let go has caused great anxiety in my life. This problem has also given me the tendency to showcase the control freak that tends to live inside. I don't like that and I am resolving to fix this about myself.

Letting go is a great feat I realize. It is not easy for a worrier. But, through meditation, prayer and post it note reminders all over the place, I am finding it easier and easier to release. And let me tell you, it is so much more wonderful than I thought it could be.

I think the best possible image I can give myself is floating in Greece. We found a secluded beach in Paros and I really wanted to get in the water. The water was crystal clear and turquoise. I had the initial "it's too cold, I should get out" thoughts and then I laid down and let go. Without any effort, I was floating in the Aegean Sea under the Mediterranean sun and my heart and soul flooded with gratitude and happiness. I had physically let go and the water took care of everything else.

I think of this image often these days. Being able to physically have a reference to this life lesson helps me release the tensions that come with not letting go. Floating is exactly the way my heart and soul feel--like a balloon--when I release the unknown and trust that everything will be alright.