For Melanie

In 1998, I met a vivacious redhead named Melanie. She was beautiful, funny and had bright red hair down the middle of her back. You couldn't help but notice when she walked into a room. I was intimidated by her at first. She seemed mysterious, strong and fierce. I couldn't wait to become her friend.

Our friendship started in English class, my first year in college. She was my writing partner. Our duty was to critique each other's writing to help bring out our inner creativity. We both loved writing and had fun reading what we would create each week. One week, Melanie wrote a story that shocked and saddened me. It was a personal story about her battle with a disease I had never heard of, Lupus.

I immediately looked up Lupus and read many facts and was relieved when I saw that it is rarely fatal. Our friendship became closer the more she opened up about her struggle and from her I learned that vulnerability can be quite lovely. She was sick often and I would go over to her house and watch terrible movies or just sit and talk. She never really did seem to have an appetite, but coffee was a common interest. So, over many cups of coffee (with Hazelnut creamer), I learned how a disease can control your life.

See, Melanie had one of the most aggressive forms of Lupus, where every part of her was attacked. I learned she had a kidney transplant in her teens (thanks to her mother), her heart was weak and she thought her kidney was giving out again. She lived with pain. I have no idea how she functioned and maintained her smile. She RARELY complained and the only reason she even talked about Lupus was because of all my questions.

Melanie dated, danced and drank a little. But her illness never let her forget it was in control. She was in and out of the hospital frequently and missed many classes and events. I remember visiting with her during dialysis and although she was tired and drained, she joked and smiled through it all. One day, she became so ill, she ended up staying in the hospital for months. When she was released, she moved a hospital bed to her parents home where she could recoup with their help and love.

One day, her mom couldn't wake her up. Melanie had started slipping away and 911 was called. Her final days were spent in ICU. I visited her and realized that my friend's vivacious, bright soul was ready to leave. She was tired and fought as hard as possible to stay alive. I remember tears running down her cheeks and trying to smooth her hair because she never wanted to look disheveled. She passed surrounded by her family and friends. She was 31, much too young.

Meeting Melanie and watching her fight so hard to live changed my life. She was one of the strongest people I know. She never wanted to give off the sick vibe, she didn't want people to worry about her. Her final request was to donate her body to UCSF for Lupus research to help find a cure.

I will be participating in a walk to help fund Lupus research. Please join me or donate in Melanie's honor to help fund research. Please visit my Alliance for Lupus Research Walk page to donate.

Thank you